A creative who isn't creative

A man, a plan, a canal, Panama.

The more time that passes with me not having my shit worked out, the more I come to accept it as the state of things.

Recently however I’ve been slipping into terrible financial habits that threaten what little stability there is in my life. Like all addicts, there are massive blind spots in what I do.

I’ll just spell out the cause I’ve identified up front - not being creative. Yeah, being a creative who isn’t creative is fucking my life, causing me to spend what little money I earn on consumption as a way to cover up the hole and procrastinate on what should matter.

There’s no plan, because how could there be: I literally don’t know what I’m doing.

My plan is to make a plan. I’ve recently been updating my Enabling page and it looks and feels ridiculous that the very things I have spelled out are exactly what I can’t do.

I have things on the go. There’s music which is good, there’s a screenplay which is… interesting… but none of these are part of a plan, or a brand. I’ve tried to define my brand before, but either not done it well enough or ignored it afterwards. The plan is crucial. The plan requires doing: work, which at each moment might not be what I want to be doing.

So old, but so immature. Shit needs to come together quickly. It’s starting to feel ridiculous and my idiocy is pissing people off.