yo just a little update - no text to speech this time so glorious lower case.
i’ve given up future game dev projects. they’re too long, too risky, and hard to stay engaged with on my own. glitch arena was amazing, but i cant hyperfocus like that witout someone to test with every night. so with this learning i’ve been moving back to music and cancelling all game dev ideas.
to kick this off have just put a couple of tracks up on bandcamp which you can listen to (or download). when there are ten or so (this year!) i’ll do another album on the main streaming platforms. it would be so nice to have some traction before then though, so it doesnt feel like such a waste of money.
music is something i can do and enjoy… and it’s available to me in bite sizes. i can start and finish a track in a week - feedback is instant. it’s been fun to get ava in on some tracks, like calling above, and a cover of smashing pumpkins today that’s in the works. i wish to get more people involved and make it more social but this isn’t something i’ve done much before.
those tracks are not as polished or detailed as the ones i did in 2020 which had a lot more movement. That’s cos there’s a danger of having my enthusiasm fizzling out as with game dev. keeping things simple and rough for now will be essential.
i’ve been learning the importance of using action as the basis for growth, rather than reflection. ironically i had to do a lot of reflection to learn this. action as it applies to music means keeping things fun and fluid. I'm trying to finish things fast and respect first session vibes as i build on them.
this is the achievable action i need… to move me past the things i discovered have been bugging me:
not having a functional identity: all the things i thought made me me turned out to be false or confusing.
not having a clear vocation - no one obvious skill to pursue to a foretold end.
being generally frustrated at being unrealised and having no apparent value for the world (that i also agreed with).
knowing (i thought) how to fix the whole world and thus being unwilling to participate in the small, everyday solutions to everyday problems that don’t attack the root of human misery.
action can build identity. music is as good a thing for me to be doing as any. I'm enjoying it more than i thought i would, treating it more casually than previously. i can do some things I'm happy with and feel realised. i can put themes that are important me out there. i can take action on all my barriers with music and i’ll be doing that in the medium term at least.
leaving you with a visualiser i made for caravan (my old magnum opus)