Sold another shirt

Eliminating life paths.

Yoooo. Recently I was sitting around wondering "what the actual fuck am I doing?" which is not abnormal for me really... But this time I really wanted to do something about it, it seems. I fell on an idea that has helped solve the longstanding issue of being a multipotentialite/polymath/jack-of-all-trades/generalist and all-round unhireable renaissance man.

Tabulating all my creative misadventures and quantifying them on scales for risk (how realistic is it I will ever earn from this), pleasure (do I actually enjoy this?) and viability (am I actually good at this?).

I first eliminated anything service based. It has been the bane of my existence for a decade or more. Believing myself to have value for businesses and companies I have tried to create little agencies to deliver it. Not particularly well, and a large part of this is that I while I love the process of design and branding, I am just not very interested in other people. Acknowledging this felt reeeeeaaaallllllyyyyyyyyyyy good. The risk is theoretically average, and the viability is also average (If I were to attack it seriously).

Secondly I eliminated music production. I’m decent at it, and the results are promising, but the process verges on aggravating. I put up with it because I love music and want to have made it, but the making part is just excruciating. It is otherwise very viable - I have the skills and equipment to get it done - but also very very RISKY in that I could spend forever on it and never make a dime.

Game development was the only one that was really high on the pleasure scale, but not particularly viable. There would be a lot of work involved in getting out of the armature stage (I made and published a game that while fun, is clearly hobbyist). This rules out employment, and going indie is very risky for similar reasons to music production.

What did that leave? Some kind of visual design. It’s always my forte, although I am SO RUSTY. While not very pleasurable, it is doable. It’s very viable, and depending on the project it’s not very risky. I have ruled out services, but what about employment. Well, my portfolio is a load of absolute garbage, and I don’t see that changing any time soon seeing as I don’t actually want to be employed as a designer because it’s soul sucking. There’s something about creativity in service of capitalism that absolutely stinks. I’m no marxist, and I love more scientifically applied design, but doing the grunt creative work to someone else’s brief/whim for one of the few remaining decades of my professional life? Sure, if you pay me enough. BUT YOURE NOT FUCKING GOING TO ARE YOU? This type of work, unless you fall into a tight team doing interesting work, is low on the pleasure scale. I seriously tried this once (if you call going agency door to agency door with a printed booklet that explained my design philosophy and handing it over in-person with a smile “seriously trying” which I #@$%@#$%#@$%#@$% do) and the world said no (actually, it said the other guy had more experience). So there you go.

So what kind of visual design? Some kind of product. Oh, wait, I really like t-shirts. From time to time I’ve thought I’d be really good at that. The activation was instant, and the flurry of activity that followed was energizing. Sure, to onlookers I was just a foolish psychologically unwell man-child pouring his best effort into another DOOMED endeavor, but to me, I had found the thing that was going to work. Youtube promised me it would.

Two months later, I have sold two shirts and closed my Shopify store due to lack of funds. Don’t worry, I still have the Etsy store where things are more likely to sell.

I now face other conundrums around content - do I go niche or spray and pray? Do I give in to the convenience of AI to help speed along the process, or give into my misgivings about AI and go the more personal, authentic route? I’ll address these questions in future entries.

I’m sorry it’s been so long, but you know, my Dad subscribed to this. Hi DAD!